Somewhat reluctantly, I entered an Ikea for the first time this past weekend. My family and I were visiting my sister and her family in the Dallas area, and my wife wanted to go to Ikea. I admit I was curious, but not curious enough to enter the megalith if left to my own devices.

Other than by my wife, I do not recall ever having my shopping experience predetermined for me by a third party. And, having the slightly rebellious nature that I have, I was somewhat offended that Ikea protocol required me to travel a preplanned route.

What if I only wanted to see kitchenware and not bedroom furniture, then children's furniture, then living room furniture, then bookshelves, then back around to bedroom furniture, then down to housewares, then miscellaneous trinketry, and finally kitchenware?

What if I actually wanted to buy a piece of furniture? Should I be forced to walk along the amusement-park-style path until I reach "Furniture Fun Land" only to secure an alpha-numeric, color coded, bar code encrypted piece of paper that I must then carry through the remaining maze of uncomfortable benches, stuffed animals, and psychadelic lighting...wait, am I still talking about Ikea or a real amusement park?

Once obtained, the paper ticket then offers clues to where the actual piece of furniture is located. A treasure map of sorts that leads to another puzzle: choosing the exact box from among rows and rows of shelves with stacks upon stacks of boxes. Then, when you realize your box is on the top shelf, back through the maze to find help. When the treasure is finally obtained, you get to pay for the experience.

After enduring this feat of strength and endurance, you can replenish yourself with a hot dog and soda in the restaurant just beyond the checkout counters. How thoughtful.

The shopping carts were cool, though, almost like maneuvering a hovercraft; not that I've ever maneuvered a hovercraft, but it's much like what I imagine maneuvering a hovercraft to be. They just glide across the floor, not like supermarket shopping carts. The fishtail turns are pretty sweet, too.

Did I mention we spent the day before at Costco?